Bah, I have several things on my mind lately. I haven't had a day to myself, and let me tell you that does not leave me in a stable state of mind. I'm one of those people who needs to be completely and totally alone sometimes, no one talking to me. No one around. Not having to worry about someone being around! This is probably why I've become nocturnal this holiday. I sleep most of the day and I'm awake through most of the night (this will change shortly, I have to be awake in... oh, 5 hours?)

So, what have I been doing this holiday? Nothing christmassy unfortunately. No presents, no tree. Thats fine, we've missed out on a tree and such before. I swear, I'm the only person in this house with any spirit for anything. So this holiday I've been a good little muslim girl. I'm learning to pray so I can do it five times a day, I cover my head and listen to Majlis. I'm harried, everywhere I go. If I sit in my room, trying desperately to study for my exams, I KNOW someone is going to come in. "Sabrina, come downstairs, its time to listen to the majlis." "Sabrina, do you know the al-hamd prayer? Out of curiosity, why don't you say it?" "Sabrina, come downstairs and memorize this rakat with me."

There is nothing wrong with being religious. I have friends who are Jehovah's Witnesses, Christians, Pagans, Catholic, Muslim, everything you can imagine. I know Atheists, Agnostics. I love them all very much, they're my friends. What I can't STAND is someone telling someone else what to believe. Or wait, worse, someone who says they won't force you but then proceed to do so anyway.

My brain is fried. I'm amazed my english is doing okay, I've been speaking dutch and arabic a lot lately. I don't even understand the arabic, I can only pick up a few words and phrases.

It doesn't help that I feel abandoned by so many of my so-called "friends". The people who I've been there for, almost constantly the past couple of months, for every little whim. Then, because these few yet important people have abandoned me, I don't really feel like I can talk to anyone (hence me writing a giant rant in this journal, oh yush). So what do I do? I'm considering jumping down the stairs to break a few bones so I can maybe get hospitalized for a few days (peace! quiet!). Thats no good, I have to go to my sister's wedding in January. Thats kind of what I'm holding on to at the moment. I will see my sister, stay in a hotel with her, lounge around on a beach for a whole week making new friends, being completely and totally isolated from every other problem in every other part of the world. No internet please, I'll just have the fun of catching up later!

Maybe a little bit of internet. I know some people who wouldn't be very happy if I decided to cut them off... and they matter, so I'd rather keep them happy.

Bah, I'll be okay. It just requires a little bit of... hmm. Plotting against teachers who I rather dislike? Thinking about my trip to saipan? Immersing myself in people who I never seem to quite get tired of? I don't know.